As I walked along the beach this morning I witnessed many couples at varying of stages in their relationships and I thought of those magical moments when a new partner comes into your life and you see ONLY each other’s BEST.
We’re open, available, excited at the prospects of a new relationship and feel pretty good about yourself. These feelings are enhanced by the good feelings that the other person emanates in your company and FEELING GOOD can be very contagious. You continue ‘feeling good’, sharing and exploring, confident in the belief that you and your new partner only want the best for each other.
This effervescence may continue moment by moment throughout the ROMANTIC phase of the relationship (usually lasting up to three months) without challenge, yet at some stage, and it happens for everyone, something you see, hear or feel triggers a place inside you that doesn’t feel so good. At first you are still aglow with the love and light that’s being generated between the two of you and therefore may feel confident enough to say something, share your experience and then cast it aside to continue to revel in LOVE.
As time goes on there will be another and another incident, issue or episode that triggers those feelings inside you that don’t feel so good. When we’re basking in the glory of the light from another and we see only the good in ourselves, we cruise along on a natural ‘high’. The light that’s generated will shine on all aspects, including the parts of us that we have hidden away from ourselves – the parts that are wounded, where we’ve previously felt incomplete or have judged ourselves and feel guilt or shame. Love will shine light on these areas with the mere intention of restoring balance within. All that NEEDS to happen during these times is to ALLOW those parts of ourself their expression, to be recognised and released. This, of course, is NOT how we usually respond and this is NOT what we are taught at school. This is what the SCHOOL OF LIFE gives us the opportunity to discover… and here we move into the POWER STRUGGLE phase of our relationship where we feel our life has been turned upside down, the bubble has burst and the relationship is damaged and can appear damaging. This is the time when our deepest wounds that have been stored, hidden from our view, are suddenly triggered by no less than the ONE WE LOVE. Yes, this is the case! And it is, in fact, a GIFT, that we have opened ourselves to the possibility of healing these old wounds. With limited understanding of this process, we are likely to feel that our love is threatened and those wonderful feelings of love are under attack and therefore the impulse is to retreat, protect, safeguard our heart, cut our losses and batten down the hatches! In doing so, we force those uncomfortable feelings of unexpressed emotion right back to where they were hiding and unless we discover a way of releasing them they will continue to try to let us know they are there through irritation, illness and eventually disease. Until we work out that ALL feelings being generated within us are valid are ALL feelings generated within us belong to US and are not the result of another’s intention, then we are left vulnerable to imbalance, injustice and disharmony.
When we recognise that ALL feelings within us, belong to us and not somebody or something outside of us, THEN we move out of the POWER STRUGGLE phase and can safely unravel from BLAME, GUILT, SHAME and PROTECTION with the recognition that as we shine LIGHT on the places within us that have been held in the DARK, we move to the phase of TRUE INTIMACY and LOVE is RESTORED. What an amazing adventure LIFE IS!
© Patricia Herreen 2012